THE "SILENT" ABUSES IN A RELATIONSHIP

by Counsellor Daniel Fenyi

Aside from serious abuses like cheating, physical assaults and insults, many are dying slowly in their relationship over serious but "petty" abuses. A few have been shared below as a guide to rebuild dying relationships.

*1. Pet names or Titles:* You normally address your lover as Booboo, dear, bae, lovey, etc. Meanwhile, you use same pet names to address your mere friends. This is an abuse; it reduces your lover to a "mere friend" and makes him/her feel less significant.

*2. Placing Religion Over Love:* Many abuse their partners in the name of religion. They place their pastor over their wife/husband. Instead of discussing an issue with their partner, they rather discuss with their pastor. Well, many religious bodies are causing more confusion in relationships than they are solving problems. Be careful of them!

*3. Forwarding Messages:* It's her birthday and you couldn't type a special message for her. You only _forwarded_ someone's message to her. It's Christmas, Val's day, Easter, Holiday, Special Day, and all you did was just _forward_ someone's message to him/her. That's an abuse.

*4. Not Returning Missed Calls:* You don't pick your lover's call. On the few occasions that you pick too, you only tell him/her that you are busy. You don't return his/her missed calls too. This is an abuse and it's killing your lover slowly.

*5. Appreciation:* When last did you say "Thank you" to your lover after sex or after s/he joined you to watch or play or read your favourite movie, game or book? The little "thank yous", "sorrys", "pleases",etc are relevant ingredients for a successful relationship.

*6. Comparison:* Pls, stop comparing your lover to your friend's or neighbour's. Every human is uniquely created, no two are the same. These comparisons constitute an abuse and kills slowly especially comparing your current with your ex.

*7. "Too" Strict or Disciplined:* Playfulness is part of every relationship. Stop being overly serious, calculative, 'principled', 'godly' and be open-minded. Join in when invited for jokes. Stop reading unnecessary meanings into everything. It's an abuse!

*8. Treat her/him like a partner, not as a child.* You are older than her and so what? Fact is, she's not your child and doesn't play childly roles in your life. There might be differences in mental, financial, professional and academic status but that doesn't make one a child of the other.

*9. Choosing Friends Over Partner:* This is one of the biggest abuses in a relationship. Your partner must come first, over friends. Never choose your friends over your partner. It kills her/him slowly.

*10. Late night calls:* Too much of late night calls raise suspicions. Courtesy demands that you stop when your partner complains about it. In situations where you have genuine reasons, *communicate* it.

Thank U for Reading!
Don't forget to share. It might save a friend's relationship.

*©Counsellor Daniel Fenyi*
*📞+233242937017*
*(Counsellor/Educationist)*